I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
