so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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