My vagina just recognized that song.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
