Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The adults are the big ones right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
