is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
