If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
