I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
