Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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