i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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