I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
