My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
