There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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