I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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