You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
