Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
