Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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