The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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