I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
