Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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