how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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