This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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