im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
