So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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