at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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