I want to have your abortion
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
