I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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