I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
