you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
