Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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