I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
