I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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