He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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