Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
