I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
