If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
