This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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