so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
