It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
