His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
