he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
