first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
