So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
