I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
