Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
