woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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