shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
