i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
