He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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