I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just pee around me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
