Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
smell my finger.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
