I didn't shave. On purpose
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
