Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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