Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
